


Never pictured myself singing lullabies

by storiesthatmakeus



Series: What I never knew I always wanted [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, Love, M/M, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 06:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: A series of snapshots as Aaron and Robert begin their new family life with baby Ollie.(Mostly silly fluff, with a couple of heavier moments thrown in, but all ends happily!)





	Never pictured myself singing lullabies

**Author's Note:**

> So a few people requested a follow up to my story 'You're stealing every bit of my heart with your daddy's eyes.'
> 
> I was seriously overwhelmed with how lovely the comments were for that story, and I hope this sequel of sorts doesn't disappoint!
> 
> Enjoy :-)

Aaron was pacing. He was pretty sure that if the Mill had carpet, he’d have worn a hole in it by now. But he couldn’t make himself stop walking as the nerves began to settle under his skin. After Robert had kissed him in the middle of the village, they had spent the next two hours in Aaron’s house, talking about everything. Once they had both felt that they had gotten all they needed to off their chests, and had continued kissing until their lips were bruised, Robert went to collect Ollie from Diane’s, to introduce him to Aaron properly. As he waited for them to return, Aaron was fighting an internal battle with himself. He couldn’t understand why he felt so anxious. He had been around Robert’s son enough, had even held him once in the portacabin. Why was now so much different? _Because it means so much more now,_ the voice in his head replied.

His thoughts were interrupted by the soft knock on the front door. Finding Robert on the other side, looking slightly nervous himself made Aaron feel at once better and worse. Maybe they were being too idealistic about the whole situation. Sensing Aaron’s nerves, Robert hesitated at the door.

‘’Can we come in?’’

‘’Yea……sorry. C’mon in.’’ Robert pushed the pram into the Mill living area, and the crackle between them became more evident. Looking between his son and Aaron, he took a moment before speaking.

‘’Ready?’’ Aaron nodded, soft and shy but a nod nonetheless. Robert gently lifted Ollie out of his pram and handed him over to Aaron, who took him without hesitation.

‘’Ollie, this is Aaron. Yes, that Aaron,’’ he added softly, noticing the way his son gazed up at the man whose arms he was in, as though he already knew.

As Aaron looked down at his husband’s son, it was like he was holding him for the first time. Ollie settled quickly in his arms, and he saw everything in him that he loved in Robert. It was overwhelming that there were now two of them in the world, so much so that he couldn’t help the tear that rolled down his cheek. Robert saw it, and immediately thought the worst.

‘’I’m sorry Aaron, this is too much, isn’t it?’’ As he said it he reached out to take back his son, but a shake of his husband’s head stopped him. Aaron looked up at him, more tears still prickling his eyes, but a smile on his face.

‘’He’s perfect, Robert. And he’s ours. He can be _ours_ , right?’’

Robert was floored. Taking a step forward, he wrapped his hands around Aaron’s waist, enveloping all three of them together.

‘’He’s ours.’’ He agreed. ‘’You have two dads now trouble, so you better behave,’’ he said to his son as he bent down and kissed him on the forehead, a gesture he repeated with Aaron. Another tear fell from Aaron, and at that exact moment, Ollie reached out as if to grab it, eliciting a soft laugh from both men. Robert pressed his forehead to Aaron’s and they stood there quietly with their son, until Liv broke the moment, bolting through the door like a stampeding cow as usual. She stopped in her tracks as she saw the sight before her.

‘’I’m….gonna go to the cafe.’’ She said to the two men smiling sappily at her, Ollie cuddled between them. She backed out slowly, but not before leaving them with one parting comment.

‘’It’s about time, by the way.’’ She smirked, and like that she was gone, leaving the new little family to stand in the middle of the Mill, looking at each other like lovesick teenagers once more.

 

 

 

‘’I’ve decided to move out.’’

They were in the Mill, all sprawled across the living area, having a family film day. Liv was messing around on her phone, Aaron had one leg stretched across the sofa, touching Robert’s thigh, Ollie perched in front of the older man. The words had come from Robert, filling the post-film lull.

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because this one is nearly a year old now, he has a million things dotted everywhere, and a box room in my little sister’s house is not where I plan on raising my son forever.’’

Robert looked up just in time to see Aaron and Liv share a knowing glance at each other.

‘’I think it’s time.’’ Aaron said suspiciously.

‘’Agreed. Back in a sec.’’ With that, Liv took off to her room.

‘’Aaron, what just happened?’’

‘’I’m gonna stick the kettle on,’’ was the reply he got as Aaron scurried off to make some drinks, presumably to avoid actually answering the question.

Liv soon returned with her laptop, which she proceeded to hook up to the television.

'’Do you know what’s going on?’’ Robert asked his son, who was gazing back at him, and Robert could swear he grinned almost knowingly. This was beginning to get very unsettling.

‘’Ready?’’ Liv asked.

‘’Ready.’’ Aaron replied as he came back, minus the all-important brews he apparently didn’t need now.

‘’We think you should move in here, and we have a Powerpoint to prove it.’’ Liv began. Robert ignored her opening statement, too shocked by her second one.

‘’You made a Powerpoint? ‘’ Robert scoffed, but suddenly, the first comment finally registered. ‘’Wait, you want me to move in here?’’ He looked at Aaron, who smiled and nodded for Liv to continue, who started flicking through the slides as she talked.

‘’Look Robert, it’s been six months since you two muppets finally got your act together. Like you said, your son is getting big now, and you need more space.’’

Robert couldn’t argue with that one, but before he could make his next point, Liv stopped him and flicked to the next slide.

‘’Before you say it, yes, Aaron and I discussed you moving into the second flat so you’d still be close but not too close. But we’re both a bit sick of how slow you are taking this. Bloody glaciers move faster than you two. As you can see from this diagram, this is the potential scenario if you move into the second flat. This line’’ she pointed at a very squiggly line ‘’ is the amount of times I’ll be traipsing between each flat to babysit while you two do whatever it is that you do that I don’t want to know about. This line ‘’she pointed to another equally squiggly line, ‘’is the emotional trauma I will feel in proportion to the reason behind said traipsing, which will be the focus of any and all future therapy I may attend.’’

‘’So?’’

‘’So, the solution is simple. I move into the second flat so I’m still ‘close but not too close’, and Ollie takes my room. Besides, it’s only fair that your son experiences the same nightmares that I do from a lifetime spent seeing you two snogging.’’

‘’Liv’s even made a little sketch of how Ollie’s room could look,’’ Aaron chimed in, and Liv flicked to the next slide accordingly, making Robert’s breath catch in his throat.

‘’And we’ve also made a list of all the crap we need to buy from Ikea to make this place relatively baby proof,’’ Liv continued as she moved on in the presentation. ‘’Honestly, a spiral staircase, you pair are idiots.’’

‘’So what do you say?’’ Aaron asked, a hint of hesitation in his voice.

‘’Well, I guess I can’t say no really, I mean you made a Powerpoint and all.’’ Robert replied, the tears threatening to fall.

‘’It’s a yes then?’’

‘’It’s a yes.’’ Robert replied; the tears let loose now as he stood up, his son in his arms as he grabbed Aaron and even a reluctant Liv in a hug.

And two weeks later, Liv had moved out, and Ollie and Robert had moved in. As they all stood in his son’s new room, Robert gazed around in awe, not quite believing that his had happened. His son’s room was perfect, all Liv’s artistic handiwork, even the Little Mix poster that had mysteriously found its way back on the wall.

‘’How did that get back up there?’’ Robert asked Liv, who shrugged in response.

‘’Ollie can’t just have you two as his main influences, he needs some empowering females in his life, and they were out of Taylor Swift.’’

‘’I thought you filled that role.’’ Robert replied, seriously and softly, cracking Liv’s nonchalant façade for just a second, as she blushed.

‘’Sometimes, it’s hard to hate you Robert.’’

‘’That’s what your brother says every night, just after….’’ He winked as he said it, causing Aaron to scoff and Liv to grimace.

‘’And sometimes, you make it easy.’’ She groaned as she left the room, muttering about emotional scars and the price of therapy, leaving Robert and Aaron alone with their son, smiling at him as he looked around in wonder at his new room.

 

 

 

It shouldn’t have surprised either of them really, how fast Ollie was managing to pick up words, not with a bloody walking thesaurus as a father. It still took Aaron by surprise even now, listening to Robert talk to clients or even just in mundane conversation, just how articulate he was and the effortless way words rolled off his tongue. It was something he had obviously passed onto his son, and even though Ollie had only just passed his first birthday, he had a grasp on everyone around him and their names. Robert was ‘daddy.’ Aaron was ‘papa,’ a name he was called for the first time when he was giving Ollie a bath, and the pull in his heart as he heard it nearly made his legs buckle underneath him, so overwhelmed he was by it. Ollie could also easily say Chas, Diane and Liv, and Aaron and Robert had to stifle a laugh every time they heard him say Doug. Their son said it with such derision, as though the name was too dull for him to bother with and he only said it out of obligation, something Diane’s husband held Robert entirely accountable for. The only name he couldn’t wrap his little mouth just yet was Vic, still struggling with the ‘V’ sound, a fact that had Robert’s little sister stomping around like a bruised bear the first time she heard her nephew call her ‘ick’ and had Liv bouncing around in triumph, taking it as a clear sign that she was his favourite.

They were in the Mill one evening, Ollie in his high chair, Liv on the sofa and Aaron sat on the kitchen counter, watching Robert cook. Whatever he was making smelled amazing, but looked ridiculous.

‘’What exactly are you making Robert?’’

‘’You’ll find out soon enough.’’ He replied, chopping chorizo and onions like a bloody professional. Aaron would find it immensely annoying how easily Robert managed to grasp well, everything, if he didn’t find it so incredibly attractive.

‘’Why can’t your daddy ever cook anything normal eh?’’ Aaron asked Ollie a few minutes later, who banged his spoon on his chair as response, giggling at Aaron as he did.

‘’Just because you’d live off a loaf of bread for each meal if you could,’’ Robert replied as he set the plates down, signalling Liv for dinner. ‘’We’ll just have to call him papa toasty from now on, won’t we trouble?’’ he asked Ollie.

‘’Papa toasty,’’ his son replied slowly, working his mouth around the words slowly, Aaron and Robert’s eyes widening as he grinned back at them.

‘’That’s right, you’re papa toasty now.’’ Robert smirked.

‘’Papa toasty.’’ Ollie repeated, more confident now, as he let out another little giggle.

The two men laughed back at him, before Robert lowered his voice just a touch, and turned to Aaron.

‘’And you are proper toasty. Have I told you lately how hot you are?’’ Robert whispered seductively, causing Aaron to blush heavily and punch Robert playfully in the arm, eliciting another giggle from Ollie and a gagging sound from Liv, who was stood behind them.

‘’Look what you’ve started now,’’ she said dryly to her nephew, who grinned up at her as though he knew exactly what he had started, his parents now kissing softly opposite him. And that was how Aaron became ‘papa toasty.’

 

 

 

Aaron was missing, and Robert had no idea why. The first indication he had as to his husband’s disappearance was the text from Chas telling him that Ollie was with her. Robert and Chas were almost back to how they were these days, Ollie working his charms on her enough that she had softened considerably towards her son-in-law. It helped that she could see how clearly dedicated he was to both her son and Ollie, so one day in the backroom of the pub she agreed to put the past behind her. She didn’t want to miss out on the chance to be a grandmother, and she knew Aaron wouldn’t let her near Ollie if she continued to be so negative to his father. Robert accepted her truce gratefully, and since that moment, they had slowly worked their way back to a good place.

Her text hadn’t given any further information, and now Robert was deeply worried. Aaron had seemed fine the last few days. He had been a bit quiet that morning, but Robert had put that down to exhaustion, due to how slammed they had been at the scrap yard. So that was how he found himself in the backroom, looking for answers.

‘’He hasn’t said anything, and I don’t know where he is,’’ Chas said as she fed Ollie, trying to keep the worry from her voice for his sake. Ollie reached out for Robert, who picked him up immediately.

‘’I don’t get it Chas, he seemed fine this morning, and if it was work or something he would have said, wouldn’t he?’’

‘’Papa toasty?’’ Ollie suddenly asked while staring straight at Robert, as though he knew something was up.

‘’He’s playing hide and seek trouble, but we’ll find him, I’m great at finding people.’’ He tickled his son, who giggled and then let out a burp, softening both Chas and Robert’s anxieties for a brief moment. Robert handed his son back to Chas, with the promise to find Aaron weighing on him as he left the pub.

He was scrolling through his phone for inspiration when he heard it; Brenda, reflecting on how she couldn’t believe it was mid-May already. Something stirred in him and he checked the date on his phone, and suddenly everything fell into place.

‘’Hi.’’

Aaron was on the bridge, of course he was.

‘’Ollie, how is he? I’m sorry…..’’

‘’He’s fine. Chas is spoiling him rotten and he keeps poking Marlon and calling him the BFG every chance he gets so he’s a happy camper.’’ Robert said, smiling at Marlon’s increasingly calamitous attempts to evade his son’s prodding.

‘’Talk to me Aaron.’’

‘’What if I’m like him?’’ Aaron averted his gaze as he said it, focusing on the stream beneath him instead.

‘’You’re nothing like him.’’

‘’You don’t know that.’’

‘’Yes I do. Look at me Aaron.’’ Aaron finally turned his head, looking into the eyes of the man who had comforted him on this very bridge countless times before.

‘’Remember what I said to Ollie that night you came back with my wallet? I meant it then, and I mean it now. You’re the best man I know Aaron. Look at how you are with our son.’’ Aaron blushed a little, the novelty of Robert referring to Ollie as theirs never growing old. ‘’He loves you Aaron, just as much as I love you, and we look out for each other. We protect each other.’’

‘’I’m just scared, that one day Ollie will do something naughty and I’ll snap for no reason.’’

‘’That won’t happen Aaron, I trust you with our son.’’

Just hearing those words said so sincerely quelled the fears in Aaron instantly, and he embraced Robert tightly, the contact making him feel safe, and strong.

‘’I did the same thing on my dad’s anniversary.’’ Robert suddenly said, causing Aaron to break away. ‘’Diane found me, and you know what she said? She said I was a good dad because I had finally learned to embrace the parts of myself that my own father didn’t understand and had tried to control. I was free to love Ollie the way he should be loved, because I wasn’t being held down by what my dad did anymore. The same goes for you Aaron. You told the truth about Gordon, and he’s fading away. He doesn’t have that power over you anymore, just like Jack doesn’t have power over me. Does that make sense?’’

Aaron nodded slowly then embraced Robert once again.

‘’Thank you, for explaining that. And for trusting me with your son.’’

‘’Our son.’’ Robert clarified firmly. ‘’Now let’s go and get him before he runs riot in the pub kitchen yea?’’ He kissed Aaron softly on the forehead, and they walked back to the village hand in hand. They collected _their_ son from Chas, Aaron waving away her guilt-filled apologies for forgetting the date, and in the safety of the Mill they curled up under a blanket, reading stories until Ollie drifted off and Aaron felt free.

 

 

 

It was bound to happen. They both knew it was coming, but they had danced around the topic in the three years since they had become a family, sharing an unspoken agreement to put it off, not wanting to acknowledge it. But now, on a lazy Friday, when Aaron and Ollie were sat watching cartoons – more for Aaron than his son, truth be told – it happened.

‘’Papa toasty?’’

‘’Yea squirt?’’ Robert detested that Aaron had taking to calling their son by the nickname Liv had coined, but it suited Ollie, and Aaron partially did it to wind Robert up, finding the way he wrinkled in nose in annoyance every time he heard it adorable, even if Aaron wouldn’t admit it out loud.

‘’Why don’t I have a mummy?’’

Aaron looked over at his son, curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring back at him with wide eyes full of curiosity, and he was speechless. Of course, Robert would have to be in Birmingham all day for some conference when this happened. He may as well have bloody planned this, his timing was that good. Aaron had never really given much thought to what he would say if asked the question, figuring he would always pass the baton to Robert, but the look his son was giving him didn’t leave him that option.

As Ollie continued to gaze at him, Aaron tried to organise his thoughts into something that made sense. He couldn’t talk to him about Rebecca, not really. He had forgiven Robert a long time ago, longer than he had ever even admitted to Robert in fact, but he was terrified that if he started talking about Rebecca, he wouldn’t be able to keep the bitterness and anger out of his voice, and Ollie didn’t need that. She had never once tried to apologise to him for her part in the whole mess, preferring to play the victim of Robert’s scheming, let him shoulder all the blame, and Aaron would never forget that. But that wasn’t Ollie’s fault.

‘’You do have a mummy, she’s just not around right now,’’ Aaron tried to explain, as calmly as possible.

‘’Was I bad? Did she go away because I was naughty?’’ Aaron could see the tears forming in his son’s eyes, and his heart broke.

‘’No, you weren’t bad. You’re the best little fella there is.’’ He replied as he gathered him in his arms. ‘’I didn’t really know your mummy, or where she is, but daddy and I love you, and that’s okay, right?’’

‘’I love you too papa toasty.’’ He seemed appeased for the moment, but Aaron knew it wasn’t the end.

That night, both Ollie and Aaron were asleep by the time Robert finally made it home. He gave them both a kiss before falling into bed himself, but as he reached over to pull Aaron closer to him in the middle of the night, the lack of a warm body beside him woke him up properly. He climbed out of bed and went in search of him, finding him stood in Ollie’s doorway watching him sleep.

‘’Hey,’’ he said sleepily, wrapping his arm around Aaron’s waist, the younger man’s head resting on his shoulder as he pulled him closer. ‘’What are you doing out here? Is he okay?’’

‘’He asked about Rebecca today, and I didn’t know what to tell him.’’ Aaron replied softly.

‘’Why didn’t you call me?’’ Robert was using his soft voice, the one reserved for Aaron. It had a different softness to the one he used on Ollie, and even now, it still made Aaron feel safe.

‘’What could you have done? It would have only made you worry and rush home.’’

‘’You still could have called me.’’ Aaron nodded, relenting. ‘’I’m sorry Robert.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’I feel like I’ve let you both down. I couldn’t talk about her to him, not really.’’

‘’You shouldn’t have to Aaron, and I don’t expect you to. You being here, loving us both like you do, that’s enough, more than enough.’’

‘’I still struggle sometimes. Not with you, or him. Just with the thought of her, that someday she might come back, try and take him from us.’’

‘’I do too, every day. But we haven’t heard from her in years. She’s gone Aaron. And if she ever does come back, she will not take our son from us.’’

Robert kissed Aaron gently on the forehead and pulled him back to their room, where they lay tangled up in each other, waiting for sleep to come.

‘’I’ll talk to Ollie tomorrow, yea? It will be okay.’’

Robert did talk to Ollie, and it was okay. Their son had come bounding into their room, and Robert took the opportunity, tucking him up between the two of them as he began to talk about Rebecca.

‘’Ollie, you know how you asked papa toasty about your mummy yesterday?’’ His son looked at Aaron, then nodded, remembering what he had said. ‘’Okay, well you see Rebecca, that’s your mother’s name, Rebecca didn’t go away because you were bad.’’

‘’She didn’t?’’

‘’No, definitely not.’’ Robert looked at Aaron, who nodded encouragingly at him, so he continued. ‘’You see, Rebecca’s your mother, but only really special people are allowed to be mummies, and your mother wasn’t quite ready to be a mummy.’’ Ollie nodded as though somehow he understood the difference, so Robert kept talking.

‘’But you’re really lucky Ollie, do you know why?’’

‘’I have two daddies?’’

‘’Exactly. You have me and papa toasty, and we both love you more than the whole world. Some people don’t even get one daddy, and you have two, how great is that?’’

‘’The best.’’ He replied, grinning widely, though half his teeth were missing. He grabbed Aaron’s hand and pulled him in closer as he snuggled even tighter into his two fathers, and as he began to chatter away about how he was special because he had two daddies, Aaron and Robert shared a tear-filled look. They would be okay. They had their family, and they were happy.

 

 

  
‘’I want another one.’’

‘’Liv’s right, you are a bottomless pit.’’ Robert joked. They had come out to dinner at a steakhouse in Leeds for Aaron’s birthday. They had spent the entire previous weekend – Aaron’s actual birthday – with Ollie and all the Dingles, but after leaving Ollie with Diane for the night – who had won the babysitting battle with Chas after another one of Charity’s money making schemes for the pub went wrong, leaving her in the lurch – the two of them were finally having some time alone. They had just finished their dessert, and Robert was stuffed, but apparently Aaron didn’t feel the same.

‘’I don’t mean another dessert Robert, but cheers for the comparison.’’

‘’What do you mean then?’’ Robert was completely baffled, a first for him if the look on Aaron’s face was anything to go by.

‘’A child, Robert. I want another child.’’ Aaron suddenly felt very nervous. They only had Ollie because of a mistake Robert had made, maybe he never really wanted this at all. Maybe one was his limit.

‘’You do? Are you sure?’’ Robert didn’t seem angry or reluctant as he said it, more curious if anything.

‘’Yes I’m sure. I know Ollie didn’t come into our lives in the easiest way, but I love him. He’s our son, and he’s changed our lives these past four years, for the better. And we haven’t done too badly with him have we? He seems to like us.’’ Aaron joked, fully aware of how the atmosphere between them had changed.

‘’He does like us Aaron. You’re his papa toasty after all.’’ Robert smiled broadly.

‘’I’d like to do it again. I’d like to give another child a family. So…what do you think?’’ Aaron seemed very interested in his napkin as he said it, suddenly terrified as to Robert’s reaction.

‘’Aaron, look at me.’’ Aaron reluctantly looked up at his husband. ‘’I think I’d have an entire football team of children with you if you’d let me.’’ Robert said softly, his ‘Aaron voice’ in full flow, clearly attuned to how nervous the other man was.

‘’You mean it?’’

‘’I mean it.’’ Robert reached across and grasped his husband’s hand as a tear rolled down Aaron’s cheek. ‘’Let’s have another child.’’ Aaron leant over the table and kissed Robert, not caring who was watching. They were having another child.

 

 

 

Oliver Jack Sugden was definitely his father’s son, there was no debate about that. Aaron could see it clearly in the way his son made it so effortless for people to love him, just one cheeky, charm-filled smile and everyone was putty in his hands. And with no two people was that more obvious than with Liv and Vic, who were silently competing with each other for the title of favourite auntie.

The cold war between the two women had been raging on for some time now, with Ollie delightedly reaping the benefits as they battled each other for supremacy. Vic’s weapon of choice was her culinary skills, helped by the proximity she had to her nephew, but Liv’s finesse with special effects makeup and Photoshop meant she was always in the running, even if her uni course kept her in Manchester all week. Aaron and Robert had lost count of the amount of times they had come home to find their son buried under a layer of either cocoa powder and sugar or else various face paints, grinning from ear to ear each time with a smug looking aunt by his side.

They even had an entire photo album dedicated to the competition. One half had Ollie proudly holding a selection of treats, including cookie monster cupcakes, rocky road bars, Captain America doughnuts (Robert’s none-too-subtle idea) a birthday cake in the design of a massive slice of toast (for Aaron, who didn’t cry when he saw it, not at all, not one bit – oh shut up Liv, just cause you’re losing) and other confectionary items. Meanwhile, the other half saw their son transformed into various movie characters including Simba - complete with mane - Thor – complete with hammer – and Olaf, complete with prosthetic carrot nose. Liv had even superimposed the pictures onto the appropriate backgrounds, making Ollie shriek with joy as he saw himself stood next to Timone and Pumba – who’s losing now Aaron?

Funnily enough, Aaron and Robert found themselves on opposing sides in this particular battle, both convinced their side would win. Robert had caved to Liv now that his love of comic book movies was finally being recognised and used to make his son happy, while the toast cake had swung Aaron to Vic’s corner – If you say I cried once more, I’ll shove that bloody carrot nose where the sun don’t shine – but one night, as they dried him off after his shower, bits of orange icing (or was it face paint?) still clung resolutely to his damp hair, they realised it didn’t matter who won the war. Their little boy was lucky enough had two aunts that adored him, and he was in a constant state of joy and wonder, something they both silently hoped would never leave him. And someday soon, there would be another addition to their little family for their sisters to compete over, a little girl, just weeks away now, who would steal their hearts all over again.

 


End file.
